Comments for Neufeld Institute Editorials

Comment on Moments of Connection with our Children by Karly

Karly — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 06:23:44 +0000

Wow – I find this question is so beautiful and just what I needed to hear today: In what ways do I express delight in my children, enjoyment of them, and warmth in how I am with them?

I can get so caught up in the day to day care of my children that I forget the big picture – simply being with them, loving them, delighting in them.

Thank you for the gentle reminder.

In gratitude, Karly

Comment on Attachment Hunger by Nikki Spigelman

Nikki Spigelman — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 03:32:15 +0000

Love those words. These our the children in our foster care system, who require foster parents that can open their hearts not only their homes.

Comment on Moments of Connection with our Children by cheryle

cheryle — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 21:53:33 +0000

As a teacher with the pressure on more and more assessment and less and less being a brilliant but at times fumbling human being I absolutely thrill to the idea of how I can bring moments of “delight, joy and warmth” into the classroom to the precious individuals I teach. Thanks so much for your very “sensible, down to earth” suggestions.

Comment on Moments of Connection with our Children by Marian

Marian — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 22:44:13 +0000

This makes so much sense to me! This has given me the words to what I have always felt about the “quality time” argument. It makes me want to cringe, since this always seems to me to be about the parent and the parents’ choices. I also need my children to see me as my normal self and not just when I am providing “the treats and the cake”. Great editorial!

Comment on A New Year’s Yearning by Marie Chernen

Marie Chernen — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 03:07:54 +0000

Thank you so much Dr. Neufeld. Lately I have been contemplating how helpless I am to change others. All I can do is try and make it safe for them to feel their emotions and trust in my love. Unfortunately, words touch the heart and my tone of voice can wound faster than any fist. I was really hoping wisdom would come with age, now you tell me it is not inevitable! Yikes!

Comment on There’s No Place Like Home by Kerry

Kerry — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 05:10:44 +0000

Beautiful! This reminds me of the time we took our 4 1/2 year old daughter on vacation. The first night in the hotel, in a new bed, she was saying that she missed her own bed and pillow. I told her rest her head on my chest and try to fall asleep that way. As she snuggled into “mama boobies”, as she used to call them when she was little, she let out a big sigh, and profoundly said “aah, there’s no place like Mommy”. Then she very easily fell asleep. It was a moment that I will always remember and one that reminded me that when small children are strongly attached to their parents, as long as they are with them, they are “home” no matter where they are.

Comment on A New Year’s Yearning by Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 01:08:39 +0000

Dear Dr. Neufeld,
Thank you so much for all your hard work and research, it must feel so good to know how you have contributed to humanity! I can’t help but make New Year’s resolutions, I like the feeling that I can start fresh, but of course they don’t usually amount to much. But this year I really have hope that I can change myself and thus my parenting and that there is still hope for my children. So my “yearning” for this year is that I can finally “unharden” my heart so that I can have a “temper that never tires” and finally a “touch that never hurts”. Thank you and all the best for 2012!

Comment on There’s No Place Like Home by Karly

Karly — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 06:41:37 +0000

Beautifully expressed, Deborah.

Our family recently moved and it has felt incredibly painful for me, and my children. I realize that it’s because our attachments feel “gone” in the wake of this loss.

Grief has been my solace. And bit by bit, as we create new community (and reconnect with our friends and loved ones through mail, phone, visits and skype) I feel more connected and less alone. Thank you for normalizing my feelings and helping me realize that this loss of “home” feels very real and sad, and that I can care for the grief that arises in response.

Warmly, Karly

Comment on A New Year’s Yearning by Karly

Karly — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 05:21:05 +0000

Thank you for this heartfelt note and the Dickens quote. I read it and my heart responded with a hearty, “yes.” I want to read it again as there was much to savor.

I appreciate that growth/maturation is not a question of will or “demand.” I’ve certainly found that to be true in my life. I also appreciate your sharing that emotions are “the engine of development.” That has been my experience, too – and I will second that feeling all our emotions is not easy. Keeping my heart soft is one of my greatest challenges, because it means I feel. A lot. Thank you for normalizing this for me.

I feel honored to receive your work, Dr. Neufeld, and am grateful for your study and synthesis. Your work has helped me greatly as a parent, in my own development and growth, in my work, and in my marriage. Thank you for helping me understand myself, my children, my loved ones and others with greater insight.

Your name comes to mind many a time when my child is doing something and I can stop my panic/mind chatter, pause and recognize – “Oh, counterwill,” or, “Foul frustration.” You’ve given me a framework that helps me care for them with compassion and wisdom, and I appreciate it greatly.

Warmly, Karly

Comment on A New Year’s Yearning by Marian

Marian — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 16:37:58 +0000

This editorial was so interesting and so timely. It contains many nuggets, and one particularly struck me.
Our family just had a discussion about why we do not “make New Year’s resolutions” and we found your comments gave us the words to express just what we had been feeling. Of course, making a resolution on the one day of the year is not going bring about the maturity we want. As avid readers, we, also, found Dickens’ lines gives us something to yearn for: a map for the route towards maturity. Thank you and Happy New Year!
And, best wishes in retirement.