Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D - The Neufeld Institute

The Neufeld Intensive I provides the conceptual foundations of Neufeld`s approach. Participants are trained to use the constructs of attachment, maturation and vulnerability to view children and their problems three-dimensionally and from this base of perceptive insight, to open doors for deep-rooted change. Participants will learn to recognize the signs of stuckness, determine the causes of this condition, and get children unstuck. Course participants are also equipped to use a working model of attachment that can be applied to children of all ages and levels of challenge, to assess for the appropriate depth and development of attachment, and to employ strategies for cultivating a context of connection with the immature. Although the course is focused on children and youth, the material applies to all ages and is applicable across all settings. This course consistently receives outstanding accolades from registrants and many return to reflect on the rich content.

about the model

The model is the result of years of synthesis and distillation and is rooted in depth psychology, grounded in the developmental paradigm, saturated in attachment theory and congruent with current neurological research. It has also been honed by over thirty-five years of professional practice, parenting and personal reflection. The model has been used effectively in a wide variety of venues and settings: parenting, classroom, special behaviour programs, alternate education settings, therapy, correctional settings, aboriginal communities, adoption, counseling, and the foster system.

about Neufeld`s approach

The approach is distinctly developmental and thus in contrast to the current cognitive behavioural fare as well as to the medical disorder approach. Many find it a refreshing alternative to today`s smorgasbord approach to treatment and to the presentation of strategies divorced from their philosophical moorings. The developmental approach is usually somewhat inaccessible because of the esoteric terminology, confusing constructs and fragmented theorizing that tends to characterize it. Developmentalists do not generally have a reputation for being able to make themselves easily understood; Dr. Neufeld is a notable exception in this regard.

organizing constructs

The material is organized around the constructs of maturation and stuckness that are implicit to the developmental model. Dr. Neufeld`s unique and comprehensive analysis of the three separate maturational processes render psychological immaturity much more than just an intuitive insight. In fact, the construct of stuckness becomes a powerful explanatory principle for a plethora of presenting problems and puzzling behaviour.

course accreditation

Credit is granted for the Neufeld Intensive One by some universities and continuing education credit is granted by various institutions, school districts and professional bodies. Please contact the course coordinator for additional information.

access to the Neufeld Virtual Campus

In response to requests for the opportunity for further dialogue with individuals who have completed the Neufeld Intensive I, a virtual campus was created. This campus has now grown to also house the distance education program, authorization programs and internship program as well as international satellite campuses in other languages. Annual membership is available to those who have completed the Neufeld Intensive Level One. Membership to the campus provides access to discussion forums, interest groups, supplementary resources, references to supporting research and literature, etc.

access to video recordings of the Intensive I

The video recordings of this course are not available to the public. The DVD recordings may be purchased by onsite participants at a price of $200. The DVD material is complementary for all distance education students. Members of the virtual campus who have taken the course are given complimentary access to the DVD material for study and review at any time.

completion assignment

A completion assignment may be required if credit is being pursued or if seeking acceptance into an authorization program with the Neufeld Institute. When applying to Directed Studies, opportunity will be given to review the video material on the virtual campus.

more on STUCKNESS - the organizing construct

Not everyone grows up as they get older. The construct of psychological immaturity has been with us as an intuitive concept for ages, but only recently has developmental science advanced to point where the idea of developmental arrest can be spelled out and employed as a powerful explanatory tool for problems in learning and behaving.

Stuckness is both the least recognized and most common problem of childhood. Many are stuck in a psychological immaturity that prevents them from growing out of such problems as aggression and counterwill as well as any other dysfunction or disability that exists. This condition underlies a multitude of manifestations and a plethora of presenting problems in children: untempered experience and expression, incessant restlessness, chronic impulsiveness, elevated attachment and dependency needs, as well as egocentric and immature relating. Many children get stuck from time to time in little ways. Some children become deeply and chronically stuck. The earlier this happens, the more serious the developmental consequences.

When children are stuck, they will also fail to grow out of, or come to compensate for, any disabilities and deficiencies that exist. These children are also less likely to recover from any damage they may have incurred or trauma they have experienced. As a result, such children are more likely to be diagnosed with learning disabilities or behavioural disorders. The salient issue is not the disorder or the disability however, but rather the stuckness that renders them a victim of this condition. Once this fact is understood, the implications for treatment are profound and doors can be opened for change.

Children who are stuck developmentally will also be stuck emotionally. Stuck kids are not appropriately moved, either in affect or behaviour, by experiences that should evoke vulnerable feelings in a child . Losses do not move them to grief, futility does not move them to sadness, inner conflict does not move them to consciousness, fulfillment does not move them to satiation. In more serious cases of stuckness, that which should alarm does not even move them to caution. Such children are unable to learn from consequences, make good their intentions or stay out of trouble.

To the degree that children remain immature, they also remain creatures of attachment by default. Teaching, parenting and treatment needs therefore to happen within a context of connection. Also, great care needs to be taken to preserve the bonds that empower the adults responsible for such children. This approach, while self-evident when understood, is counter to most prevailing practices with challenging children.

Once kids are stuck, the usual ways of dealing with behaviour - including sanctions, consequences and time-outs - actually make things worse. For reasons discussed in the presentations, what works with kids who aren`t stuck will tend to backfire with kids who are. By not understanding this core condition, parents and teachers and experts alike, are bound to engage in interventions that are counterproductive. Part of the challenge in parenting or working with stuck kids is to learn to work around the problem and its symptoms until it can be resolved.

The good news is that most kids can get unstuck but require our help to do this. Recognizing the signs and symptoms of stuckness and knowing the moves to get a child unstuck is the most important developmental first aid any parent or professional could possess.

Most problem behaviour is rooted in instinct and emotion and is therefore unresponsive to conventional forms of discipline or behaviour management. When the developmental antecedents are understood, the path to effective intervention becomes clear. The key to accurate analysis is an understanding of the dynamics of attachment, vulnerability and maturation. These conceptual keys are provided in the Level One Intensive and then used in Level Two to unlock the mysteries of aggression, bullying, resistance, oppositionality, anxiety, obsessions, addiction, suicidal impulses, agitation, impulsiveness, distractibility, and much more.

Dr. Neufeld’s wealth of clinical experience with the most troubled populations of children and youth provide the basis for his insightful analysis and proven interventions. His ability to unravel the most perplexing problems to reveal the contributing dynamics, renders the troubling behaviours not only understandable but surprisingly treatable.

organizing thesis construct

After a life-time of putting the puzzle pieces together, Dr. Neufeld has discovered that when diverse childhood problems are traced to their very beginnings, the inevitable triggering experience is usually some form or variation of separation - anticipated or real. There is no other single experience that has more impact on our emotions, our instincts or our defensive systems. An understanding of separation and its impact prepares the way for making sense of a myriad of symptoms and then paves the way for change.

about the Model

The model is the result of years of synthesis and distillation and is rooted in depth psychology, grounded in the developmental paradigm, saturated in attachment theory and congruent with current neurological research. It has also been honed by over thirty-five years of professional practice, parenting and personal reflection. The model has been used effectively in a wide variety of venues and settings: parenting, classroom, special behaviour programs, alternate education settings, therapy, correctional settings, aboriginal communities, adoption, counseling, and the foster system.

about the Approach

The approach is distinctly developmental and thus in contrast to the current cognitive behavioural fare as well as to the medical disorder approach. Many find it a refreshing alternative to today’s smorgasbord approach to treatment and to the presentation of strategies divorced from their philosophical moorings. The developmental approach is usually somewhat inaccessible because of the esoteric terminology, confusing constructs and fragmented theorizing that tends to characterize it. Developmentalists do not generally have a reputation for being able to make themselves easily understood; Dr. Neufeld is a notable exception in this regard.

The Power to Parent course delivers the best that developmental science has to offer to those who are our children`s best bet - parents and those who support them. The effect of the material is to restore parents to their natural intuition as well as to their rightful place in their children`s lives. Although some attention is given to the more perplexing problems of childhood, the general thrust of the course concerns issues and challenges facing most every parent.

Rather than dumbing parents down with prescriptive solutions and superficial strategies, this course truly informs and educates so that parents can become the true experts in their children’s lives. The basic attachment and developmental needs of children are uncovered so that parents can become the answer to these needs. Challenging problems are explained is such a way that the root problems can be addressed.

Dr. Neufeld has had exceptional success as a parent consultant, working with thousands of families over the years. In this series, he shares the insights and understandings that have changed the ways of countless of parents to the benefit of thousands of children.

The Power Theme

Parenting is meant to be power-assisted. Like the cars we drive, many would be too much to handle without some power to assist us. When one is in the middle of driving and the engine cuts, managing a car designed to be power assisted can be a handful if not impossible. To manage children when our parenting power is insufficient is likewise daunting if not next to impossible. Yet millions of parents are attempting to do just that and not even aware that something is amiss.

We tend to take the power to parent for granted. There is little we can do with a child, however, that is not predisposed to attend to us, to look up to us, to depend upon us, to ask for help, to take the cues from us or to want to be good for us. These inclinations are not inherent in a child`s personality nor the result of skilled parenting. Rather, they are the fruit of a good working attachment to the parent. When the attachment is weak or lacking, these predispositions will be missing in a child. When this is the case, parents are rendered impotent and parenting becomes difficult, contrived and unnatural. Parental impotence is becoming a common affliction but rarely is it recognized for what it is. We are more likely to assume that we lack the necessary skill or that we have a difficult child. The most instinctive reaction when lacking natural power is to become more forceful. Unfortunately, applying leverage such as sanctions and separation to coerce a child into compliance will not only provoke resistance but also damage the very relationship that empowers us. Sadly, such is the state of parenting today. Only when we realize our true source of power will we do everything in our power to safeguard it. Unless we have our children`s hearts, we will be unable to fulfill our parental responsibilities. Once we have our children`s hearts, we need to hold on to them until our task is done.

The secret of the power to parent lies in children being in right relationship to their parents. The more difficult the child or the problems, the more this is true. It is this very relationship that is being eroded by cultural chaos, by competing attachments to peers, and by parenting practices that interfere with the development of attachment. To compensate for the loss of cultural wisdom we must become conscious of attachment and then parent with attachment in mind. The only salvation for parenting that is truly natural and intuitive is to work at attachment and let attachment work for us.

Today`s parents are not only shy of power but power shy. Power has become a dirty word, undoubtedly because so many of us have experienced its abuse. Yet the most important responsibilities on earth are impossible to fulfill without the power to do the job. And when we don`t have the natural power required to parent, we are tempted to resort to forcefulness and manipulation, as is the growing trend among many parents today. Examples of such coercive practices include the use of time-outs and the tendency to use what children care most about against them (often euphemized as consequences and sanctions). The kind of power that arises spontaneously out of a correctly aligned attachment relationship enables parents to be highly effective without needing to be punitive or coercive. We need to overcome our aversion to power in order to assume our rightful position in our children`s lives. The kind of power that should be eschewed is power devoid of corresponding responsibility.

The history & genesis of the Power to Parent course

The Power to Parent course had its beginnings in a parent discussion group that grew out of popular demand from young parents who took Dr. Neufeld`s university courses on developmental psychology and parent-child relations. It gradually evolved into an eight-session evening course called Making Sense of Kids that was in high demand by parents and professionals in the Vancouver area for many years. Because of Dr. Neufeld`s widespread reputation, pressure mounted to film the course and make it available to others. The result is the Power to Parent series, a three-part trilogy of eight-session courses.

General information about the three-part Power to Parent series

This three-part Power to parent series delivers the best that developmental science has to offer to those who are our children`s best bet - parents and those who support them. The effect of the material is to restore parents to their natural intuition as well as to their rightful place in their children`s lives. The principles and dynamics apply to children of any age. Although some attention is given to the more perplexing problems of childhood, the general thrust of the course concerns issues and challenges facing most every parent.

This parent education series offers a complete approach to parenting. Rather than dumbing parents down with prescriptive solutions and superficial strategies, this series truly informs and educates so that parents can become the true experts in their children’s lives. The basic attachment and developmental needs of children are uncovered so that parents can become the answer to these needs. Challenging problems are explained is such a way that the root problems can be addressed.

Dr. Neufeld has had exceptional success as a parent consultant, working with thousands of families over the years. In this three-part series, he shares the insights and understandings that have changed the ways of countless of parents to the benefit of thousands of children.

The goal is to restore parents to their natural intuition

The prevailing assumption today is that the key to parenting is in knowing what to do. Since children aren`t born with a manual, today`s parents are becoming more dependent upon so-called experts for advice. Yet despite more experts and advice than ever before, parenting is actually becoming more difficult and contrived. The problem, according to Dr. Neufeld, is that the power to parent is slipping away. Parents were never meant to have the most important responsibilities on earth without the corresponding power to do the job. Yet this is the predicament of a growing number of parents who are losing their power to guide and direct their children, to shield and protect them, to nurture and fulfill them, and even to transmit their culture to them.

Parenting should be quite natural and instinctive. Like most deeply rooted instincts, however, the right context is required to `push the right buttons` in both parents and their children. Science has revealed this context to be the child`s attachment to the parent. When a child is in right relationship to the parent, not only is the child rendered receptive to parenting but the parent is empowered to do the job. The key therefore to effective parenting lies not in what we do but in who we are to our children.

It is the role of culture to create and preserve this context of connection between children and their parents. Unfortunately, today`s society has taken an economic turn and no longer serves this vital function. As the context for parenting is being eroded, parents are losing the natural power required to fulfill their responsibilities.

The antidote to our present predicament is to become conscious of attachment and to make sense of our children from inside out. In this way we can restore natural intuition and interact in ways that support healthy development. If we fail to do this we run the risk of becoming more reactive, or alternatively, becoming more contrived in our interaction as we follow the cues of advice-givers rather than finding our own intuitive path.

What parents need is insight, not skill

What we do is determined more by what we see than any other factor, including the strategies we have learned, the books we have read and the knowledge that we have acquired. The more accurate our insight, the more fruitful our interaction. When a child makes sense to us from inside out, a dance evolves that is natural, intuitive, effective and affirming for both the child and the adult. Developmental science has progressed to where it is now able to equip both parents and professionals with the insights that are necessary to understand our children and interact accordingly. This parenting series is founded on the firm conviction that when we are able to truly make sense of a child in a context of compassion, we will discover within ourselves a dance that corresponds.

What parents need is natural power, not manipulative tricks

Parenting is meant to be power-assisted. Like the cars we drive, many would be too much to handle without some power to assist us. When one is in the middle of driving and the engine cuts, managing a car designed to be power assisted can be a handful if not impossible. To manage children when our parenting power is insufficient is likewise daunting if not next to impossible. Yet millions of parents are attempting to do just that and not even aware that something is amiss.

We tend to take the power to parent for granted. There is little we can do with a child, however, that is not predisposed to attend to us, to look up to us, to depend upon us, to ask for help, to take the cues from us or to want to be good for us. These inclinations are not inherent in a child`s personality nor the result of skilled parenting. Rather, they are the fruit of a good working attachment to the parent. When the attachment is weak or lacking, these predispositions will be missing in a child. When this is the case, parents are rendered impotent and parenting becomes difficult, contrived and unnatural. Parental impotence is becoming a common affliction but rarely is it recognized for what it is. We are more likely to assume that we lack the necessary skill or that we have a difficult child. The most instinctive reaction when lacking natural power is to become more forceful. Unfortunately, applying leverage such as sanctions and separation to coerce a child into compliance will not only provoke resistance but also damage the very relationship that empowers us. Sadly, such is the state of parenting today. Only when we realize our true source of power will we do everything in our power to safeguard it. Unless we have our children`s hearts, we will be unable to fulfill our parental responsibilities. Once we have our children`s hearts, we need to hold on to them until our task is done.

The secret of the power to parent lies in children being in right relationship to their parents. The more difficult the child or the problems, the more this is true. It is this very relationship that is being eroded by cultural chaos, by competing attachments to peers, and by parenting practices that interfere with the development of attachment. To compensate for the loss of cultural wisdom we must become conscious of attachment and then parent with attachment in mind. The only salvation for parenting that is truly natural and intuitive is to work at attachment and let attachment work for us.

Today`s parents are not only shy of power but power shy. Power has become a dirty word, undoubtedly because so many of us have experienced its abuse. Yet the most important responsibilities on earth are impossible to fulfill without the power to do the job. And when we don`t have the natural power required to parent, we are tempted to resort to forcefulness and manipulation, as is the growing trend among many parents today. Examples of such coercive practices include the use of time-outs and the tendency to use what children care most about against them (often euphemized as consequences and sanctions). The kind of power that arises spontaneously out of a correctly aligned attachment relationship enables parents to be highly effective without needing to be punitive or coercive. We need to overcome our aversion to power in order to assume our rightful position in our children`s lives. The kind of power that should be eschewed is power devoid of corresponding responsibility.

The history & genesis of the Power to Parent series:

The Power to Parent series had its beginnings in a parent discussion group that grew out of popular demand from young parents who took Dr. Neufeld`s university courses on developmental psychology and parent-child relations. It gradually evolved into an eight-session evening course called Making Sense of Kids that was in high demand by parents and professionals in the Vancouver area for many years. Because of Dr. Neufeld`s widespread reputation, pressure mounted to film the course and make it available to others. The result is the Power to Parent series, a three part trilogy of eight session courses.

The primary objectives of the Power to Parent series:

The primary objective of our parent education is to equip adults to raise children with attachment in mind and with true maturation the end result. Our method is to make sense of children to the adults responsible for them. In providing the conceptual underpinnings to natural intuition, our goal is to restore parents to their rightful place in their children’s lives.

General information about the three-part Power to Parent series

This three-part Power to parent series delivers the best that developmental science has to offer to those who are our children`s best bet - parents and those who support them. The effect of the material is to restore parents to their natural intuition as well as to their rightful place in their children`s lives. The principles and dynamics apply to children of any age. Although some attention is given to the more perplexing problems of childhood, the general thrust of the course concerns issues and challenges facing most every parent.

This parent education series offers a complete approach to parenting. Rather than dumbing parents down with prescriptive solutions and superficial strategies, this series truly informs and educates so that parents can become the true experts in their children’s lives. The basic attachment and developmental needs of children are uncovered so that parents can become the answer to these needs. Challenging problems are explained is such a way that the root problems can be addressed.

Dr. Neufeld has had exceptional success as a parent consultant, working with thousands of families over the years. In this three-part series, he shares the insights and understandings that have changed the ways of countless of parents to the benefit of thousands of children.

The goal is to restore parents to their natural intuition

The prevailing assumption today is that the key to parenting is in knowing what to do. Since children aren`t born with a manual, today`s parents are becoming more dependent upon so-called experts for advice. Yet despite more experts and advice than ever before, parenting is actually becoming more difficult and contrived. The problem, according to Dr. Neufeld, is that the power to parent is slipping away. Parents were never meant to have the most important responsibilities on earth without the corresponding power to do the job. Yet this is the predicament of a growing number of parents who are losing their power to guide and direct their children, to shield and protect them, to nurture and fulfill them, and even to transmit their culture to them.

Parenting should be quite natural and instinctive. Like most deeply rooted instincts, however, the right context is required to `push the right buttons` in both parents and their children. Science has revealed this context to be the child`s attachment to the parent. When a child is in right relationship to the parent, not only is the child rendered receptive to parenting but the parent is empowered to do the job. The key therefore to effective parenting lies not in what we do but in who we are to our children.

It is the role of culture to create and preserve this context of connection between children and their parents. Unfortunately, today`s society has taken an economic turn and no longer serves this vital function. As the context for parenting is being eroded, parents are losing the natural power required to fulfill their responsibilities.

The antidote to our present predicament is to become conscious of attachment and to make sense of our children from inside out. In this way we can restore natural intuition and interact in ways that support healthy development. If we fail to do this we run the risk of becoming more reactive, or alternatively, becoming more contrived in our interaction as we follow the cues of advice-givers rather than finding our own intuitive path.

What parents need is insight, not skill

What we do is determined more by what we see than any other factor, including the strategies we have learned, the books we have read and the knowledge that we have acquired. The more accurate our insight, the more fruitful our interaction. When a child makes sense to us from inside out, a dance evolves that is natural, intuitive, effective and affirming for both the child and the adult. Developmental science has progressed to where it is now able to equip both parents and professionals with the insights that are necessary to understand our children and interact accordingly. This parenting series is founded on the firm conviction that when we are able to truly make sense of a child in a context of compassion, we will discover within ourselves a dance that corresponds.

What parents need is natural power, not manipulative tricks

Parenting is meant to be power-assisted. Like the cars we drive, many would be too much to handle without some power to assist us. When one is in the middle of driving and the engine cuts, managing a car designed to be power assisted can be a handful if not impossible. To manage children when our parenting power is insufficient is likewise daunting if not next to impossible. Yet millions of parents are attempting to do just that and not even aware that something is amiss.

We tend to take the power to parent for granted. There is little we can do with a child, however, that is not predisposed to attend to us, to look up to us, to depend upon us, to ask for help, to take the cues from us or to want to be good for us. These inclinations are not inherent in a child`s personality nor the result of skilled parenting. Rather, they are the fruit of a good working attachment to the parent. When the attachment is weak or lacking, these predispositions will be missing in a child. When this is the case, parents are rendered impotent and parenting becomes difficult, contrived and unnatural. Parental impotence is becoming a common affliction but rarely is it recognized for what it is. We are more likely to assume that we lack the necessary skill or that we have a difficult child. The most instinctive reaction when lacking natural power is to become more forceful. Unfortunately, applying leverage such as sanctions and separation to coerce a child into compliance will not only provoke resistance but also damage the very relationship that empowers us. Sadly, such is the state of parenting today. Only when we realize our true source of power will we do everything in our power to safeguard it. Unless we have our children`s hearts, we will be unable to fulfill our parental responsibilities. Once we have our children`s hearts, we need to hold on to them until our task is done.

The secret of the power to parent lies in children being in right relationship to their parents. The more difficult the child or the problems, the more this is true. It is this very relationship that is being eroded by cultural chaos, by competing attachments to peers, and by parenting practices that interfere with the development of attachment. To compensate for the loss of cultural wisdom we must become conscious of attachment and then parent with attachment in mind. The only salvation for parenting that is truly natural and intuitive is to work at attachment and let attachment work for us.

Today`s parents are not only shy of power but power shy. Power has become a dirty word, undoubtedly because so many of us have experienced its abuse. Yet the most important responsibilities on earth are impossible to fulfill without the power to do the job. And when we don`t have the natural power required to parent, we are tempted to resort to forcefulness and manipulation, as is the growing trend among many parents today. Examples of such coercive practices include the use of time-outs and the tendency to use what children care most about against them (often euphemized as consequences and sanctions). The kind of power that arises spontaneously out of a correctly aligned attachment relationship enables parents to be highly effective without needing to be punitive or coercive. We need to overcome our aversion to power in order to assume our rightful position in our children`s lives. The kind of power that should be eschewed is power devoid of corresponding responsibility.

The history & genesis of the Power to Parent series:

The Power to Parent series had its beginnings in a parent discussion group that grew out of popular demand from young parents who took Dr. Neufeld`s university courses on developmental psychology and parent-child relations. It gradually evolved into an eight-session evening course called Making Sense of Kids that was in high demand by parents and professionals in the Vancouver area for many years. Because of Dr. Neufeld`s widespread reputation, pressure mounted to film the course and make it available to others. The result is the Power to Parent series, a three part trilogy of eight session courses.

The primary objectives of the Power to Parent series:

The primary objective of our parent education is to equip adults to raise children with attachment in mind and with true maturation the end result. Our method is to make sense of children to the adults responsible for them. In providing the conceptual underpinnings to natural intuition, our goal is to restore parents to their rightful place in their children’s lives.

General information about the three-part Power to Parent series

This three-part Power to parent series delivers the best that developmental science has to offer to those who are our children`s best bet - parents and those who support them. The effect of the material is to restore parents to their natural intuition as well as to their rightful place in their children`s lives. The principles and dynamics apply to children of any age. Although some attention is given to the more perplexing problems of childhood, the general thrust of the course concerns issues and challenges facing most every parent.

This parent education series offers a complete approach to parenting. Rather than dumbing parents down with prescriptive solutions and superficial strategies, this series truly informs and educates so that parents can become the true experts in their children’s lives. The basic attachment and developmental needs of children are uncovered so that parents can become the answer to these needs. Challenging problems are explained is such a way that the root problems can be addressed.

Dr. Neufeld has had exceptional success as a parent consultant, working with thousands of families over the years. In this three-part series, he shares the insights and understandings that have changed the ways of countless of parents to the benefit of thousands of children.

The goal is to restore parents to their natural intuition

The prevailing assumption today is that the key to parenting is in knowing what to do. Since children aren`t born with a manual, today`s parents are becoming more dependent upon so-called experts for advice. Yet despite more experts and advice than ever before, parenting is actually becoming more difficult and contrived. The problem, according to Dr. Neufeld, is that the power to parent is slipping away. Parents were never meant to have the most important responsibilities on earth without the corresponding power to do the job. Yet this is the predicament of a growing number of parents who are losing their power to guide and direct their children, to shield and protect them, to nurture and fulfill them, and even to transmit their culture to them.

Parenting should be quite natural and instinctive. Like most deeply rooted instincts, however, the right context is required to `push the right buttons` in both parents and their children. Science has revealed this context to be the child`s attachment to the parent. When a child is in right relationship to the parent, not only is the child rendered receptive to parenting but the parent is empowered to do the job. The key therefore to effective parenting lies not in what we do but in who we are to our children.

It is the role of culture to create and preserve this context of connection between children and their parents. Unfortunately, today`s society has taken an economic turn and no longer serves this vital function. As the context for parenting is being eroded, parents are losing the natural power required to fulfill their responsibilities.

The antidote to our present predicament is to become conscious of attachment and to make sense of our children from inside out. In this way we can restore natural intuition and interact in ways that support healthy development. If we fail to do this we run the risk of becoming more reactive, or alternatively, becoming more contrived in our interaction as we follow the cues of advice-givers rather than finding our own intuitive path.

What parents need is insight, not skill

What we do is determined more by what we see than any other factor, including the strategies we have learned, the books we have read and the knowledge that we have acquired. The more accurate our insight, the more fruitful our interaction. When a child makes sense to us from inside out, a dance evolves that is natural, intuitive, effective and affirming for both the child and the adult. Developmental science has progressed to where it is now able to equip both parents and professionals with the insights that are necessary to understand our children and interact accordingly. This parenting series is founded on the firm conviction that when we are able to truly make sense of a child in a context of compassion, we will discover within ourselves a dance that corresponds.

What parents need is natural power, not manipulative tricks

Parenting is meant to be power-assisted. Like the cars we drive, many would be too much to handle without some power to assist us. When one is in the middle of driving and the engine cuts, managing a car designed to be power assisted can be a handful if not impossible. To manage children when our parenting power is insufficient is likewise daunting if not next to impossible. Yet millions of parents are attempting to do just that and not even aware that something is amiss.

We tend to take the power to parent for granted. There is little we can do with a child, however, that is not predisposed to attend to us, to look up to us, to depend upon us, to ask for help, to take the cues from us or to want to be good for us. These inclinations are not inherent in a child`s personality nor the result of skilled parenting. Rather, they are the fruit of a good working attachment to the parent. When the attachment is weak or lacking, these predispositions will be missing in a child. When this is the case, parents are rendered impotent and parenting becomes difficult, contrived and unnatural. Parental impotence is becoming a common affliction but rarely is it recognized for what it is. We are more likely to assume that we lack the necessary skill or that we have a difficult child. The most instinctive reaction when lacking natural power is to become more forceful. Unfortunately, applying leverage such as sanctions and separation to coerce a child into compliance will not only provoke resistance but also damage the very relationship that empowers us. Sadly, such is the state of parenting today. Only when we realize our true source of power will we do everything in our power to safeguard it. Unless we have our children`s hearts, we will be unable to fulfill our parental responsibilities. Once we have our children`s hearts, we need to hold on to them until our task is done.

The secret of the power to parent lies in children being in right relationship to their parents. The more difficult the child or the problems, the more this is true. It is this very relationship that is being eroded by cultural chaos, by competing attachments to peers, and by parenting practices that interfere with the development of attachment. To compensate for the loss of cultural wisdom we must become conscious of attachment and then parent with attachment in mind. The only salvation for parenting that is truly natural and intuitive is to work at attachment and let attachment work for us.

Today`s parents are not only shy of power but power shy. Power has become a dirty word, undoubtedly because so many of us have experienced its abuse. Yet the most important responsibilities on earth are impossible to fulfill without the power to do the job. And when we don`t have the natural power required to parent, we are tempted to resort to forcefulness and manipulation, as is the growing trend among many parents today. Examples of such coercive practices include the use of time-outs and the tendency to use what children care most about against them (often euphemized as consequences and sanctions). The kind of power that arises spontaneously out of a correctly aligned attachment relationship enables parents to be highly effective without needing to be punitive or coercive. We need to overcome our aversion to power in order to assume our rightful position in our children`s lives. The kind of power that should be eschewed is power devoid of corresponding responsibility.

The history & genesis of the Power to Parent series:

The Power to Parent series had its beginnings in a parent discussion group that grew out of popular demand from young parents who took Dr. Neufeld`s university courses on developmental psychology and parent-child relations. It gradually evolved into an eight-session evening course called Making Sense of Kids that was in high demand by parents and professionals in the Vancouver area for many years. Because of Dr. Neufeld`s widespread reputation, pressure mounted to film the course and make it available to others. The result is the Power to Parent series, a three part trilogy of eight session courses.

The primary objectives of the Power to Parent series:

The primary objective of our parent education is to equip adults to raise children with attachment in mind and with true maturation the end result. Our method is to make sense of children to the adults responsible for them. In providing the conceptual underpinnings to natural intuition, our goal is to restore parents to their rightful place in their children’s lives.

The key to making sense of the adolescent is to understand the developmental dynamics at play as well as the attachment needs of the adolescent. These needs are typically underestimated due to the physical maturity of adolescents and the resistance to dependence that can result from becoming prematurely attached to peers. Adding to the confusion is the fact that there is more than one developmental pathway to adulthood and societal integration.

Adolescence literally means ‘growing into maturity’. An adolescent is neither child nor adult and therein lies much of the difficulty, the turbulence, the confusion and the challenge. They need us, yet need to not need us. We are their best bet, yet their instincts are to resist us. Unlike primitive cultures, our highly complex society requires a lengthy adolescence with very few rites of passage. The task of turning children into adults has never been more daunting!

Nature’s part in creating grown-ups is to equip them for adult functioning around the time of puberty, ready or not. These changes create their own rites of passage that the adolescent must negotiate to truly mature. Unfortunately, growing up is not a given; not all adolescents embrace their developmental destiny. The most common temptation of adolescence is to replace parents with peers instead of becoming one’s own person. The most common mistake of adults is to back off prematurely. As long as an adolescent is not yet viable as a separate being, he or she is meant to be attached to those responsible for him or her.

These rites of passage create challenges for parents and teachers as well: the adolescent’s new found idealism makes them critical of us; their developmental self-absorption makes them deaf to our perspective; their acute allergy to coercion makes them rather difficult to direct.

Our challenge as adults is to help our teens cross the bridge from childhood to adulthood, to encourage them to embrace their developmental destiny and to ultimately shoehorn them into adult society. Meanwhile, we have the day-to-day challenge of parenting and teaching them, of guiding and directing them, of shielding them from stress.

Adolescence is truly the womb of adulthood and those enveloped in supportive adult relationships have the greatest chance of successfully negotiating this tumultuous time. The challenge is not to treat them as if they were children nor to retreat from them as if they were adults. Learning to ‘dance’ with an adolescent commands the very best in us.

themes and structure

The course material is organized around three psychological changes that occur during adolescence, the seven rites of passage that these changes create, the resulting temptations for the teen, and the corresponding challenges for those who parent, teach or work with adolescents. Complicating adolescence is the fact that there is not one, but rather two developmental pathways to adulthood. Knowing which track the adolescent is on is key to knowing how to help facilitate his or her passage into adulthood.

One of the foremost interpreters of the developmental approach tackles one of the oldest and most perplexing of human problems, exposing its deep developmental roots and revealing why conventional approaches to the problem are so ineffective. There are many indications that this problem is escalating among our children and youth. What tends to grab our attention is the more violating acts of aggression but what is truly alarming is the ground swell of attacking energy within and between our kids that erupts in their interaction, music, language, play, games and fantasies. This attacking energy is also fueling an alarming increase in suicide and suicidal ideation among children. Dr. Neufeld provides a way of understanding that not only explains what is happening around us but also provides insight into the individuals - both children and adults - who present with these problems. His approach is refreshingly sensible, historically accountable, and congruent with today’s science of the brain. His conceptual model has clear implications for practice and treatment and is applicable in any arena: home, school or in treatment.

Synopsis of the Material

The key to making sense of aggression is to get past the violating behaviour to the emotional experience of the child and to what is missing in the child’s processing or functioning. The underlying experience is one of frustration, not anger as is commonly supposed. What is missing are vulnerable feelings as well as a consciousness of anything that would counter the impulses to attack. Such children are inclined to attack when up against things they cannot change. Such children are also unable to benefit from traditional means of discipline such as correction, confrontation, consequences and isolation. It is only as the roots of the problem are addressed that aggression can be effectively cured.

Description of the Problem

Aggression is one of the oldest and most challenging of human problems and indications are, that in children at least, it is on the rise. What tends to grab our attention is the more violating acts of aggression but what is truly alarming is the ground swell of attacking energy within and between our kids that erupts in their interaction, their music, their language, their play, their games and their fantasies. It is the rare parent or teacher that does not encounter aggression in one form or another, be it tantrums, tempers, fits, abrasiveness, abusive language, rude gestures, hostility, racism, taunts, put-downs, bullying, fighting, shaming, belittling, name calling, vicarious enjoyment of violence or the self-attacking forms of self-deprecation, death wishes and self-harm. It is a sobering reality that the kids who fail to grow out of aggression by school age will most likely bring their problem into adulthood, unless the underlying dynamics are addressed.

Adding to this disturbing situation is the fact that aggression is so unresponsive to the typical ways of dealing with misconduct. The normal tools of socialization - rules, consequences, discipline, warnings, sanctions, withdrawal of privileges, time-outs, isolation - despite their sometimes immediate quelling effect, actually tend to make matters worse. Likewise, attempts to teach or train in anger management, self-control or prosocial skills work best with the kids who need it least and least with the kids who need it most.

The challenge in dealing with children who have failed to grow out of aggression by school age is to understand what one is up against. The emotional hardening in these children has left them invisibly yet significantly crippled: maddened instead of saddened by futility, lacking appropriate ambivalence and surprisingly unalarmed. In addition, these kids lose the ability to learn from consequences or mistakes and cannot adapt when things go wrong. Aggressive children are basically stuck between a rock and a hard place: unable to change what counts and too defended to come to terms with it. Battling against symptoms is futile; the roots of the problem need to be addressed for any significant change to occur. It is not a matter of teaching the child a lesson or nipping aggression in the bud or even improving prosocial skills, but of restoring healthy functioning and development. Until that can be accomplished, the challenge is to compensate for the child’s dysfunction in ways that can minimize incidents and take the violence out of the aggression. Much can be done towards this end - in the home, in the school and in the community.

Prerequisites/Credits

This course is designed for entry level and as such has no requirement regarding previous exposure. For teachers, this course makes an excellent follow-up to the Teachability courses and as a companion to the courses on Bullying and Counterwill and Attention Problems. Continuuing education credit is usually arranged through the host organizations.

Testimonials:

Dr. Neufeld`s ideas on aggression are the most useful I have ever come across. I use his material on a daily basis and have seen excellent results, even in my most difficult cases. I have nothing but the highest praise for his training and I commend him for taking a great leap forward in our understanding of this vexing issue.

Dr. Philip Squires, FRCP, FAAP, DTM&H
Pediatrician

Dr. Neufeld has an amazing ability to make sense of difficult and complex problems and to open doors for change. His material is not only substantive but also inspirational to those who dedicate their lives and energy to our children and youth.

Grant Lenarduzzi, author, high school principal, and past editor of the NASSP Bulletin (National Association of Secondary School Principals)

I was spellbound throughout. The material touched on the very essence of being - the yearning for connectedness, the nostalgia for its loss, the pain of that unexpressed grief that inhibits the potential for self-realization, and how it lies at the core of our maladaptive coping strategies. Not only will this guide me in my work with teachers, parents and students, but also with my own children.

Marleane Sinclaire, M.Ed.
School Psychologist

The Attention Deficit Disorder label has brought concerns regarding attention to the fore of public consciousness but unfortunately without the foundational knowledge that enables parents and teachers to find their way through a glut of confusing and often conflicting information. The professionals in charge of diagnosing are often experts at describing the symptoms but tend to come up short when it is time for explanations. Since we can only truly address that which we understand, the prevailing focus in our society has turned to managing symptoms instead of effecting a cure.

There are many kinds of attention problems, most deeply rooted in emotional and developmental dynamics. In this four hour course, participants will gain an understanding of how the attentional system develops and what can go wrong and why. Participants will also learn to differentiate between three basic kinds of attention problems that can all lead to an ADD diagnosis. The ultimate objective of the course is to provide the participants with strategies for addressing the roots of the attention problems in such a way that the symptoms abate, regardless of their underlying cause.

Sample blurb for alternate education populations

Attention problems are both common and diverse, especially in the alternate education student population. After a life-time of involvement with children and adolescents with attention problems, Dr. Neufeld unravels the complexities to make sense of the underlying dynamics involved, paving the way for intervention that can lead to lasting change. In this seminar, participants will gain an understanding of how the attentional system develops and what can go wrong and why. Participants will also learn to differentiate between three basic kinds of attention problems that can all lead to an ADD diagnosis. Knowing the nature of the problem is key to managing the symptoms and addressing the root cause. The ultimate objective of the course is to provide the participants with strategies for addressing the problems in such a way that the symptoms abate, regardless of their underlying cause.

Alternate title and blurb: Attention Problems: a fresh look from a developmental perspective

A world-renowned psychologist traces the various kinds of attention problems to their roots with the discovery that most problems are more psychological in origin than biological. Although the brain may function differently in children with attention problems, this is most often the result of a highly activated alarm system where the child is paradoxically defended against the feelings of alarm. This insight not only makes sense of the symptoms but opens the door to natural interventions that can result in deep and lasting change. Instead of needing to rely on medical intervention, teachers and parents can address the root problems and see significant results in behaviour, relationships and academic achievement.

Counterwill is a name for the instinctive reaction of a child to resist being controlled. This resistance can take many forms: opposition, negativism, laziness, noncompliance, disrespect, lack of motivation, belligerence, incorrigibility and even antisocial attitudes and actions. It can also express itself in resistance to learning. Despite the multitude of manifestations, the underlying dynamic is deceptively simple - a defensive reaction to perceived control or coercion.

Counterwill is undoubtedly the most misunderstood and misinterpreted dynamic in adult-child relations. The simplicity of the dynamic is in sharp contrast to the trouble it creates - for parents, for teachers, and for anyone dealing with children. It creates a perplexing dilemma in that what is most demanded or expected from a child can become the least likely to be realized.

Understanding the role of counterwill in the development process is the key to knowing how to handle it. A three-pronged approach to safely defusing counterwill and to handling the resistant child or adolescent will be discussed.

brief synopsis

Counterwill can take many forms. It can present itself as the reactive `no` of the toddler, the `you aren`t my boss` of the preschooler, as balkiness when hurried, as disobedience or defiance, or even as laziness or lack of motivation. It can manifest itself in a working to rule, in procrastination, or in doing the opposite of what is expected. It can be expressed as passivity, negativity or argumentativeness. It can be experienced by an adult as insolence or belligerence. It can create a preoccupation with taboo or antisocial attitudes within a child. When pervasive and severe, the child is incorrigible and may qualify for a diagnosis of Oppositional Defiant Disorder. It is such a universal phenomenon at certain stages of development that it has given rise to the terms `terrible two`s` and `rebellious teens`. Despite the myriad of manifestations, the underlying dynamic is deceptively simple - a defensive reaction to felt coercion.

Because so few adults are conscious of this dynamic in children, the void in understanding has given rise to a multitude of misperceptions and consequent mishandling of this dynamic. Counterwill is most often misperceived as being intentional or `on purpose` as opposed to instinctive and provoked. Adults are forever misinterpreting counterwill in a child as a manifestation of being strong willed, as challenging authority, as being manipulative, as trying to get one`s way, as intentionally pushing the adult`s buttons or as simply asking for it. How we perceive a child`s behaviour will influence how we react to it. Unfortunately when we misperceive counterwill, we are likely to react in ways that actually exacerbate the dynamic. Furthermore, we are at risk of endangering the relationship that provides the context for working with the child.

There are three factors controlling the existence of this dynamic in a child: attachment, maturation and coercion. Strong attachments often preempt the counterwill reaction in a child. On the other hand, when immature beings are bossed around by adults they are not attached to, they instinctively resist being controlled. It simply does not feel right for a child to do the bidding of those they are not attached to. The implications for our society are profound as it is our custom to farm out our children to strangers to help raise them. Our educational system is crippled by counterwill yet very few are even aware of this dynamic. The very fact that so many children lose their desire to learn and only do as much as they have to, is a testimony to the power of the counterwill dynamic.

Counterwill is normal in the toddler and preschooler. Because these children can only operate out of one dynamic at a time, whenever attachment instincts are not engaged, pressure will provoke resistance. Children grow out of the impulsive expression of counterwill when they become capable of mixed feelings. For most children, this is by school age but there are many adults who never get there. Unfortunately, not all children grow up as they get older, and those that are incapable of mixed feelings are easily provoked when the coercive elements of a situation are greater than the forces of attachment.

Under certain conditions, counterwill can be pervasive and intense, becoming the modus operandi of the child. If these conditions prevail the child may even qualify for a diagnosis of Oppositional Defiant Disorder. This is an unfortunate misnomer as there is nothing wrong with the counterwill instinct in itself. It is more likely that the child`s attachments are disordered or the social environment of the child is disordered. Children stuck in immature functioning were never meant to be bossed around by those they were not personally attached to. When teachers and teaching assistants are put into such a situation, the challenges are profound. Trying to deal with this dynamic with traditional behaviour management techniques is a recipe for disaster. Again, intervention needs to be based on a foundation of understanding.

genesis of the material

Dr. Neufeld`s formal introduction to the construct of counterwill was rather serendipitous. He was preparing to teach a university course on personality theory in the 1970`s when he stumbled upon Otto Rank`s theory of counterwill which he had proposed at the turn of the century. Somehow this gem of a concept had been overshadowed by other theories and theorists of the day and never received the attention it deserved. Dr. Rank perceived counterwill as the developmental forerunner of a child`s sense of autonomy. He also perceived counterwill as the greatest source of insecurity in children, largely because of the rather adverse reactions most parents have to being resisted or countered. In his words, the greatest danger of counterwill is that it threatened to `break the union between parent and child`.

Reading this in the context of contemporary knowledge of the attachment and maturation processes, it became immediately apparent to Dr. Neufeld that this was a vital missing piece required to make sense children. Counterwill explained all kinds of things: why toddlers were so difficult to handle, why teenagers rebelled, why praise sometimes backfired, why rewards can be counterproductive, why some kids are preoccupied with taboo, why some children do the opposite of what is expected. Otto Rank was very much ahead of his time and intuited something that was actually much bigger than he possibly could have realized. The more Dr. Neufeld studied counterwill, the more impressed he became with its power to explain behaviour that otherwise is perplexing, as well as with the profoundness of the implications in our day and age. Once our eyes are opened to the dynamic of counterwill, we see it everywhere and fresh insights and understandings come repeatedly.

Most every parent and teacher wants to know what to do when ….. This tends to be the most pressing and universal issue in dealing with children. Finding the right answers to these questions becomes more challenging when parents and teachers are concerned about issues like attachment and healthy development and do not want their discipline methods to undermine or sabotage these processes. At the same time however there is the responsibility to teach the lessons that need to learned and to impose order when required.

This course speaks to the question of what to do when …, but does so in the larger context of what is required to raise children to their full potential as human beings. Some of the prevailing discipline practices - like time-outs and consequences - are discussed from this perspective. This course provides participants with the opportunity to develop a comprehensive approach to discipline with strategies that are attachment-safe and developmentally friendly.

Transplanting children – whether this occurs as the result of remarriage, removal, adoption, parental loss, or change in custody - constitutes the most difficult challenge in raising children. Like plants, it is all about their attachment roots; unlike plants, it is a great deal more complicated.

When proximity to one’s parent is neither possible nor in the child’s best interest, the child is subjected to the most impacting experience of all - separation from those to whom they are attached. When such children are unable to recover from the impact of the attachment disruption, or when they fail to adequately re-attach to the parent or parents who are raising them, nothing works as it should.

Dr. Neufeld has dealt with transplanted children and the adults attempting to raise them for close to forty years. From his years of experience and his profound knowledge of attachment and human vulnerability, he makes sense of this most daunting of human challenges: raising children who were born to other parents. In this eight-session course, Dr. Neufeld shares his learnings and his insights. From this basis of understanding, he opens the doors to change. The objective of this course is to provide a map for all those who are involved with transplanting or transplanted children.

Once we understand how bullies are made, our attempts to unmake them can be truly effective and long-lasting. Most prevailing approaches to this problem assume that bullying is either learned behaviour or the result of failure to acquire social skills. In contrast, Dr. Neufeld dissects the bully syndrome to reveal its deep instinctive roots in the dynamics of attachment and vulnerability.

the bully enigma

Most attempts to change bullies, or even to teach them a lesson, are not only futile but counterproductive. The reason for this is that most interventions are blind, devoid of an understanding of what makes a bully in the first place. Part of the problem is that the bully is an enigma. There are at least three reasons for this. First of all, very few bullies would identify themselves as such or confess to the act. Secondly, bullies lack self-reflection and so cannot tell us about themselves. Thirdly, the violating nature of the bully`s behaviour distracts from the salient issues and underlying dynamics. The symptoms are social but the dysfunction is psychological. The arena of violation is in children`s relating to each other but the genesis of the problem is in relationship to adults. The demeanor is one of toughness yet the sensitivity to slight is acute. The behaviour is pushy and demanding yet the personality is highly dependent and immature. Unless we can shed some light into the internal workings of the bully, our interventions will inevitably be off base.

the bully syndrome

The key to making sense of the bully is not in what the bully does, but rather in what is missing in the bully. When one gets past the violating behaviour to the underlying functioning, gaping holes become apparent. Firstly, the bully lacks a sense of responsibility. There are usually two reasons for this deficiency: a) a lack of an underlying sense of agency or b) the child is too defended against vulnerability to feel responsible. Both appear to be true in the bully. To spend effort trying to make the bully accountable does little to change this state of affairs and only convinces the bully that adults are against him or her, which hardens the bully even further. If the bully was capable of feeling responsible, he or she would not be a bully in the first place.

Secondly, the bully lacks adaptive functioning. The bully cannot deal with change and therefore seeks the familiar. The bully does not learn from mistakes, benefit from negative experience, or change as a result of failure. Bullies are neither resourceful nor resilient. Adults who are unaware of this dysfunction will inevitably insist on upping the ante: applying more consequences, teaching a lesson they hope the bully will never forget. If the child was adaptive, he or she would not be a bully in first place. Consequences work wonders for those who can feel the futility of a course of action. On the other hand, consequences only enrage and provoke those who cannot .

Thirdly, the bully lacks integrative functioning. Not only do bullies fail to mix well with others, at least not without someone having to do the accommodating to keep the peace, but they lack mixed feelings. That is the reason they are so untempered in experience and expression. They are impulsive, compulsive, rigid, brazen, dogmatic in their personality and inconsiderate and insensitive in their relating. This deficiency cannot be cured by training in social skills or by confronting the lack of empathy. This integrative dysfunction is deeply rooted in psychological immaturity. Unless these kids become unstuck they will remain untempered for life. If they remain untempered, they are also more likely to be uncivilized unless their behaviour can be orchestrated by someone they can look up to.

In addition to this lack of normal functioning, the bully does not properly depend upon those responsible for him or her and does not experience life in a vulnerable way. These missing elements when properly understood, tell the story of the bully and explains much of their personality and behaviour. When such children are mixed with others, bullying is bound to occur.

how bullies are born

The bully syndrome is the offspring of the union of two deep-seated problems. Each of the problems are fairly common and do not, in isolation, result in bullying. It is the combination of these problems that gives rise to the bully syndrome. One of the deep-seated problems is disordered attachments. Instead of seeking to depend upon those responsible for him or her, the bully seeks to dominate. This aberrant attachment pattern can be caused by a number of conditions that will be outlined in the course.

The second problem is one of emotional hardening or desensitization. Somewhere along the line, the sensitivities of a bully-in-the-making have become overwhelmed. The result is a child defended against the feelings of vulnerability and often perceptions that would lead to feeling vulnerable. There are a number of reasons this can happen, some within, but many outside, a parent`s control. A child who is defended against his own wounds is not likely to be sensitive to the wounds of others. Besides, when a child is too defended against vulnerability for `mad` to turn to `sad`, frustration turns foul and leaves the child with a mean streak. Adding frustration to the equation in such a child only pours gasoline on the fire and puts others at risk for getting hurt.

how bullies are unmade

Attempting to treat a bully without addressing the contributing conditions is at best ineffective and, most often, counterproductive. Key to the bullies unmaking is proper attachment hierarchy and a tolerance of felt vulnerability. Strategies are presented that are grounded in understanding and that can be applied in a wide range of settings.

genesis of the material

The experiential root of this material was working with young offenders. In the prison system, everyone tends to be a bully or a victim or both. Once the mystery was unravelled, the bully syndrome became readily recognizable in other populations and settings and in children as early as toddlerhood and the preschool stage.

The conceptual roots of the material are in an understanding of the dynamics of attachment, vulnerability and psychological immaturity. These three keys unlock the mystery of bullying and reveal how bullies are created. These dynamics also point the way to change and the unmaking of a bully.

The didactic roots of this material were in the desperate requests of educators for something with a bit more depth and psychological accountability than what is usually offered.

According to Dr. Neufeld, the teachability factor is undoubtedly the most overlooked, the least understood and potentially the most promising of all the factors in the learning equation. In this seminar or course, Dr. Neufeld examines the factors that constitute a student’s teachability and offers suggestions for how to enhance it. He also reveals a common root to both learning and behaviour. The seminars and courses on teachability have been the most requested of Dr. Neufeld’s offerings from those in educational circles.

The teachability factor refers to those determinants of learning that are psychological in nature, that is, developmental, relational and emotional. There are signs that the teachability of students is on the wane. The implications for education are profound. To the degree that this is true, teaching is becoming harder, despite our being the best equipped and most educated ever. Furthermore, the gap between our students’ potential and their achievement will be widening. Teaching ‘harder’ is not the answer; enhancing teachability is.

What drives the engine of learning are the two basic psychological processes of attachment and maturation. There would be no reason to lift the hood on this engine if everything was working as it should. For an increasing number of students, this is not the case. For the sake of these students, it is necessary to become acquainted with these basic driving forces and their involvement in learning and behaviour.

The maturing processes play a critical role in learning and behaviour. Instead of one singular growth force as was formerly believed, there appear to be three distinct maturing processes. Another misconception, previously held, was that these maturing processes were active in all children and could be engaged by developmentally-friendly teaching. For example, all children were assumed to be interested and curious about their world; the teachers challenge was to tap into it. This optimistic view has turned out to be hopelessly naive. It is true that all children possess the potential to mature, but these processes need to be active in the child BEFORE they can be engaged for the purposes of education. When children are missing these processes, teachability is restricted accordingly.

For example, it is the maturing process of integration that enables a child to experience inner conflict and that equips a child with self-control. Students who lack integrative functioning are impulsive in behaviour, black and white in their thinking, egocentric in their relating, know better than they behave and are unable to benefit from confrontation. Teachers are handicapped severely when dealing with a nonintegrative child.

Likewise, it is the adaptive process that enables a child to learn from negative experience including failure and mistakes. If this process is missing, the student will not learn by trial-and-error or benefit from correction. These children make the same mistakes over and over again, failing to learn from the error of their ways. One of the primary instructional tools of any teacher is correction and over eighty percent of learning is believed to be through trial-and-error. Furthermore, when it comes to teaching lessons in behaviour, consequences are lost on these students. The implications of being nonadaptive are ominous for both teacher and student.

Unfortunately, our curriculum and pedagogy assume adaptive, emergent and integrative functioning, setting us up to trip all over the students who are deficient in these processes. These students require an alternate approach, both to engage them as learners and to deal with their behaviour.

Students who are not maturing psychologically are rendered creatures of attachment by default. In other words, these children, regardless of age, are only equipped to learn from those they are attached to or about that which serves their attachment needs. Anything else is psychologically irrelevant. This would not be a problem for education given that these children were attaching spontaneously to their teachers or using their teachers as their compass points. There have always been children who failed to grow up and still are very capable of learning. In fact, attachment-based learners are highly motivated in ways that other students are not. For example, attachment-based students are much more predisposed to learn through imitation, modeling, memorizing, cue-taking, mapping, orienting and classification. Attachment-based students are also more likely to be motivated to measure up and to compete as well as to learn for reasons of recognition and status.

The problem is that our current culture does not facilitate adult-orientation or student-teacher relationships. Recent societal change is eroding the traditional adult-orientation of students and making connection to teachers much less automatic. When saddled with students who are not maturing, we are left only with attachment to motivate yet often without the prerequisite relationships to do so. When children who are failing to mature are also failing to attach to their teachers, it renders them virtually unteachable.

The answer to the waning teachability of students is not to teach harder but to teach differently. It is more important than ever to become conscious of what renders a student teachable and to use this knowledge to create a context within which to teach. There is no doubt that attachment is the most powerful motivating force of all but it must be harnessed to be used for teaching purposes. In a culture that is failing to keep attachments aligned, we must compensate by taking the initiative to collect these attachment-based students and render them teachable. Unless we win the hearts of these stuck students, we are unlikely to have much influence on their minds.

According to Dr. Neufeld, the teachability factor is undoubtedly the most overlooked, the least understood and potentially the most promising of all the factors in the learning equation. In this seminar or course, Dr. Neufeld examines the factors that constitute a student’s teachability and offers suggestions for how to enhance it. He also reveals a common root to both learning and behaviour. The seminars and courses on teachability have been the most requested of Dr. Neufeld’s offerings from those in educational circles.

The teachability factor refers to those determinants of learning that are psychological in nature, that is, developmental, relational and emotional. There are signs that the teachability of students is on the wane. The implications for education are profound. To the degree that this is true, teaching is becoming harder, despite our being the best equipped and most educated ever. Furthermore, the gap between our students’ potential and their achievement will be widening. Teaching ‘harder’ is not the answer; enhancing teachability is.

What drives the engine of learning are the two basic psychological processes of attachment and maturation. There would be no reason to lift the hood on this engine if everything was working as it should. For an increasing number of students, this is not the case. For the sake of these students, it is necessary to become acquainted with these basic driving forces and their involvement in learning and behaviour.

The maturing processes play a critical role in learning and behaviour. Instead of one singular growth force as was formerly believed, there appear to be three distinct maturing processes. Another misconception, previously held, was that these maturing processes were active in all children and could be engaged by developmentally-friendly teaching. For example, all children were assumed to be interested and curious about their world; the teachers challenge was to tap into it. This optimistic view has turned out to be hopelessly naive. It is true that all children possess the potential to mature, but these processes need to be active in the child BEFORE they can be engaged for the purposes of education. When children are missing these processes, teachability is restricted accordingly.

For example, it is the maturing process of integration that enables a child to experience inner conflict and that equips a child with self-control. Students who lack integrative functioning are impulsive in behaviour, black and white in their thinking, egocentric in their relating, know better than they behave and are unable to benefit from confrontation. Teachers are handicapped severely when dealing with a nonintegrative child.

Likewise, it is the adaptive process that enables a child to learn from negative experience including failure and mistakes. If this process is missing, the student will not learn by trial-and-error or benefit from correction. These children make the same mistakes over and over again, failing to learn from the error of their ways. One of the primary instructional tools of any teacher is correction and over eighty percent of learning is believed to be through trial-and-error. Furthermore, when it comes to teaching lessons in behaviour, consequences are lost on these students. The implications of being nonadaptive are ominous for both teacher and student.

Unfortunately, our curriculum and pedagogy assume adaptive, emergent and integrative functioning, setting us up to trip all over the students who are deficient in these processes. These students require an alternate approach, both to engage them as learners and to deal with their behaviour.

Students who are not maturing psychologically are rendered creatures of attachment by default. In other words, these children, regardless of age, are only equipped to learn from those they are attached to or about that which serves their attachment needs. Anything else is psychologically irrelevant. This would not be a problem for education given that these children were attaching spontaneously to their teachers or using their teachers as their compass points. There have always been children who failed to grow up and still are very capable of learning. In fact, attachment-based learners are highly motivated in ways that other students are not. For example, attachment-based students are much more predisposed to learn through imitation, modeling, memorizing, cue-taking, mapping, orienting and classification. Attachment-based students are also more likely to be motivated to measure up and to compete as well as to learn for reasons of recognition and status.

The problem is that our current culture does not facilitate adult-orientation or student-teacher relationships. Recent societal change is eroding the traditional adult-orientation of students and making connection to teachers much less automatic. When saddled with students who are not maturing, we are left only with attachment to motivate yet often without the prerequisite relationships to do so. When children who are failing to mature are also failing to attach to their teachers, it renders them virtually unteachable.

The answer to the waning teachability of students is not to teach harder but to teach differently. It is more important than ever to become conscious of what renders a student teachable and to use this knowledge to create a context within which to teach. There is no doubt that attachment is the most powerful motivating force of all but it must be harnessed to be used for teaching purposes. In a culture that is failing to keep attachments aligned, we must compensate by taking the initiative to collect these attachment-based students and render them teachable. Unless we win the hearts of these stuck students, we are unlikely to have much influence on their minds.